After a loss of any kind. After the loss of my job, grandmother, and family pet. I hit rock bottom pretty dang hard. I never thought suicide would be something I would think about much less attempt.
The difference, I believe, was my faith. I am a Christian and very proud of that. However, in 2012, I wasn't living for Christ. I was living for myself. I believe with my whole heart that God stopped me from taking my life. I believe He was the one who put the constant thought about my Dad finding in my mind.
I often think what would have happened had I gone through with my suicide. As bad as things had gotten, it wasn't worth killing myself. God has a bigger plan for my life, and I'm sure He will be good out of all this mess in my life.
In short, God healed me and continues to heal me. Yes, continues to heal me, because I face depression on a daily basis. I struggle with this illness every single day. I wear a smile, but inside I am a complete mess. One of my coworkers has a saying "The struggle is real." That is what I feel like every day...the struggle is real. Depression is real, and I can't just wake up and be myself again. This is myself. Depression has changed me. I don't think a person can go through depression and not come out changed on the other side. However, it is what we, you and I, do with that change that matters most. Do we fight or give in to depression? The temptation is there to give into depression, but I have chosen to fight it. For me, it is starting a blog and writing about my experience. For you, it could be something different. But, I encourage you to fight with every ounce of strength God has given you.
From this point on in the blog, I will talk about my daily struggles and things happening in my life. I will try to keep things light, but know that depression is deep and dark at times. It is not all sunshine and roses, and I am will not portray it that way.
I often think what would have happened had I gone through with my suicide. As bad as things had gotten, it wasn't worth killing myself. God has a bigger plan for my life, and I'm sure He will be good out of all this mess in my life.
In short, God healed me and continues to heal me. Yes, continues to heal me, because I face depression on a daily basis. I struggle with this illness every single day. I wear a smile, but inside I am a complete mess. One of my coworkers has a saying "The struggle is real." That is what I feel like every day...the struggle is real. Depression is real, and I can't just wake up and be myself again. This is myself. Depression has changed me. I don't think a person can go through depression and not come out changed on the other side. However, it is what we, you and I, do with that change that matters most. Do we fight or give in to depression? The temptation is there to give into depression, but I have chosen to fight it. For me, it is starting a blog and writing about my experience. For you, it could be something different. But, I encourage you to fight with every ounce of strength God has given you.
From this point on in the blog, I will talk about my daily struggles and things happening in my life. I will try to keep things light, but know that depression is deep and dark at times. It is not all sunshine and roses, and I am will not portray it that way.
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