Waiting...

I'm struggling so much right now. It has been harder to find a job than I anticipated. With each rejection, I feel more and more like a loser. I've made the comment to a friend or two, that I feel like my time getting a Master's degree was wasted. I'm not sure what God is doing here, but I know I have faith that He is doing something. 

I have decided I will start a bible study. It is called "Armor of God." I need to learn to put on the armor everyday and let God do the fighting for me. I need to pray for everything and in everything pray. I have found this be hard at times. Why? Because when I hit a depressive episode, I become a different person. I become a person I don't recognize or like. I have been trying so hard not to sink into an episode, but I'm not sure how long I can hold off. 

this time of the year, I always go through a depressive episode. While I love all things of Fall, with it comes loneliness of the holidays. Yes, daddy and I do things together, but it's not the same. I've made the comparison in the past >> I'd rather have someone who didn't HAVE TO love me, than my family during the holidays. I know how that must sound. Ungrateful, rude, unloving, etc...but, it's the truth. I've longed for a boyfriend or husband I can spend the holidays with and make new traditions with. My dad isn't really into the traditions thing, and it doesn't help that he doesn't get into it. If feels a little pointless. 

Hope your week is going well. 

<3, 
Jennifer